Forgotten Memories
by Ambrion
Summary: They've tried to find love else where, but it seems impossible. They've tried to find ways to just forget their love for each other, but when they find the other feels the same way what are they to do?
1. Rukia's Thoughts I

A/N: Hello! I'm back! Yea! Well I'm starting to write a fanfiction with short chapters. Perhaps this will be easy? Anyways this is about how Rukia and Renji have lost so much time together after her older brother took her into his home.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach!

And suddenly I felt stupid. I had not realized I had been the only one that felt things like regret or sadness. I thought for the longest time that you had hated me for everything. The fact that I had walked away and not physically looked back. I never wanted to hurt you, and yet I did. The more I think about our past the more I see all the problems I caused for you. I loved you, I have loved you since we were kids but now we are adults that still cannot face what the heart wants.

People had constantly told me that you still missed it, the relationship we had and I said whatever. I was trying to move forward and not think about all the things we had, had. It was a sad thought. You had been my best friend and had known me more than anyone. We had been through so much together and now it seemed that we still were going through it together. We still had the same thoughts of what if, and where, and when. When did things go wrong and why did they? I had always thanked someone else for saving me and being there for me, but in all truth you are the one behind the curtains making sure I was okay. I guess that true love never goes away, but now we are two different people with two different ideas. We live in two different places of the heart. I've started something and I have to finish it now. I opened my heart up to a kid, and now he has taken it, but I have left you with nothing. I'm sorry.

Renji for all the times I was wrong I wish I could go back and fix things. I wish that Somehow I could make things right. But the past is the history we regret. I can't find a better reason not to look back. I have said my goodbyes in the past, but this is not a goodbye of friendship, just of love. I say good bye to our love and all that we loved. I never knew you felt the same way; I only now wished I had. Goodbye love, and hello to a friendship that can never be complete.

A/N: Let me know how I'm doing guys!


	2. Renji's Thoughts I

A/N: Hello again! Okay now we have hit Renji's thought about this whole matter.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach!

Rukia, how could you not know? Didn't I tell you that I had cared? Of course I cared. I was mad, and jealous that you left with my captain. I didn't want him to take away the only family I had ever known, but I was glad for you. I watched you walk away and you never looked back. You didn't speak to me for years and you didn't seem to care. How was I supposed to act? Like a lost puppy in the dirt waiting for its master? No, there is no way in hell would I do that. And yet I did. I found myself constantly thinking about you. I found myself wishing I could tell you how I felt. How I've always felt. You have always been the one and only girl/woman I have ever wanted. I've slept around, I won't lie but none of them had what I was looking for. None of them could connect with me the way you had.

Have I told you that I see you with Ichigo and it hurts? I see you looking at him, but it's not the same way you look at me. You only see a friend in him. Tell me I'm right? Please… or is it only an empty amount of hope in my heart that begs my eyes to see it that way? I'm sorry I let you walk away. I'm sorry I didn't run after you, but aren't you better off now? Don't you feel happy? You're well taken care of. But I still wonder if there is any room for me at that door to your heart. We have gone years without speaking like this. We had closed up and I had tried to forget all the hurt, and all the pain. I tried to forget all the good things because they hurt too. But now, I see that you need to be happy. I see that I would rather you be happy no matter how my heart hurts for you. I would rather that than anything else in the two worlds. Rukia you've always had my heart. I loved you since we were children. We continue to grow together but we never seem to touch. We grow together and look at each other and yet never say a word about how we really feel. It's only a hit and a secret between the two of us.

I regret that I did not tell you I loved you sooner. What will happen to us now? I have wanted to touch and hold you many times, and almost reached out but I found myself holding back. I have no right to touch you. I'm sorry Rukia, but I cannot help but love you.


	3. Rukia Side 1

A/N: Okay, so this starts the actual fanficion, and later will come back to the character's thoughts. The difference between the character's thoughts and the chapters is that the chapters are numbered differently. Sorry if that's confusing.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach!

I couldn't believe it. I didn't understand it. Why would this man, a man I had only heard of want me into his family? It made no since. Only that the Captain of the sixth division had said that I had looked very much like his wife. In a way it made me shutter, and in another I was glad that I was going to graduate sooner and be a part of the thirteenth division. When Renji walked in Byakuya Kuchiki and the others left leaving me alone with my best friend. This was amazing, and I couldn't wait to tell him. I saw in his eyes that he didn't like it but he would be happy for me all the same. Renji said it was great and that I should take the offer. So I did. I replied with a smile that I would love to join the Kuchiki family, and I did.

In the following weeks I found that living in the Kuchiki household was nothing like one would think it would be. Sure it was a nicer bed and nicer food, but in all honesty it would take me a while to get use to both because I had been subject to rough and tough for the last few decades. Ni-sama was the name I called him by. It's the name he wanted me to call him by and he didn't explain why so I just went with it. I didn't hear from Renji for a long time. Years went by even. I had experienced death, and life. I had watched others die and gone through it all. I did not see Renji when I would think I needed him the most.

It was the night I killed a man, not any man might you but my lieutenant. He had taught me everything and I had begun to look up to him and his wife, and as soon as I feel at home with people they are taken away from me. It never fails. Only I took him away. I feel so guilty about that. My captain continues to tell me there is nothing I could have done, and I know this. But I still cannot help but feel the grief of being the one to end his breath.

Things were never the same for me again. Growing up in the "poor house" as people say had taught me a lot. I had lost close friends when I was younger and that was the way of things. But this changed me as a person because for some reason this was different. For some reason this was…it took my innocence of war and life away. I would never be able to go back to the way I use to be and not know what war was like or know what being a child was like. Most people do go through this phase I discover but not like what I'm talking about. War just changes you. And that night when my lieutenant died everything changed for me. When I came back no one blamed me, no one but his family. I couldn't say I was sorry, I just didn't have the strength yet. But the soul society left it alone because my Captain was behind me and it did help that I was now under Ni-sama's wing. I did not hear from Renji like I thought I would. He did not come by to ask me if I was okay, or to even accuse me of murder. Nothing, and when I realized this I felt an emptiness I had not felt before. I was surrounded by people and Ni-sama and felt completely and utterly alone. I didn't really have a family anymore, and I wouldn't for years to come.

A/N

Please comment :) I want to know what you guys think thus far. :)


	4. Renji's Side 1

I couldn't believe what I had heard. It couldn't be true. Rukia had killed her lieutenant. I heard rumors that it was intentional and then others said she had no choice. Rukia had graduated before me, but only because of…that arrogant asshole, the Captain of the Six division. Rukia had nowhere near the strength to take on her lieutenant and in cold blood murder him. So I did not believe those rumors. It was stupid of me not to think that she wouldn't do such a thing anyways. I tried to go and talk to her, but when I showed up in her division her captain said she was not seeing any one, and when I tried to show up on the Kuchiki's estate, as I should have known, I was told to go away. Someone like Rukia did not have time for a commoner anymore. It was funny, we were the ones that use to laugh at people like who she had become. We swore that we would never be this way. I should have known that she would have let me in if she had been the one to answer the door but instead it was one of their servants.

I should have known that was not going to go over well. Most noble families did not allow commoners to come within their house. I was a commoner no matter if I was a soul reaper now or not. I came from the poor and would always be remembered that way. Rukia had gotten lucky that she was taken in by the noble household. No one would ever again try to hurt her and not pay for it, and she would always get off easy when it came to trouble it was the way these things worked.

My heart was breaking apart then, even if I refused to see it. I wanted to see her, I missed my friend, I missed my family, and without Rukia I had nothing anymore. When I saw her I tried to catch up to her, but that asshole was always with her. It was like he couldn't go anywhere without her around. I vowed to myself that one day I would win her back. That I would take her away from him. I would be stronger than him one day. I had to be stronger than him. That plan only became extremely clear when I was placed in Captain Kuchiki's squad. I smiled inwardly, knowing that is a few short years I would climb the ranks. What I didn't expect was to respect him. I learned to respect him through the years that I climbed through the ranks. I still vowed to be stronger than him one day, because I wanted Rukia back, but I had no idea that I would grow to be so loyal to him.

He was a cold man. He almost never smiled, but when someone in his squad was in trouble he would cover for them if at all possible. Though he would be displeased. He seemed over all fair, and quiet. He was always quiet. I soon found out that in battle he was extremely deadly. I shivered the first time I ever saw him fight. Even without his bankai he seemed so powerful, and I wondered how I could ever beat him in a battle. I had never seen my Captain's bankai , but I knew all Captains had them, they had too. I always wondered what it was like.

I soon became the Lieutenant of the sixth division and could feel my time to fight him drawing nearer. As time went on, Rukia became lost to my mind. I forgot why I wanted to fight, and I stopped trying to find her. If she wanted me she knew where I was. I was sure she had heard of my promotion. Soon after that day my Captain called me into our office, when I was out doing drills with the squad. I stepped in and his back was to me as he looked out at our squad. He just stood at the window. His hand on the hilt of his sword.

"We have a job to do in the living world." He said in his cold manner.

"The living world?" I asked

"Yes, a member of the Thirteenth squad has been charged with a crime and we have been asked to bring them in."

"Sir if you don't mind me asking, why isn't Second division handling this manner." I asked scratching my head.

"This is of a personal matter to me, and perhaps to you as well. "

"Sir?"

"Rukia Kuchiki has been charged for giving a human boy her powers."

I froze. What was Rukia doing in the human world? Had she gone crazy, giving some human her powers? What had she done? What was I going to do? I didn't want her in trouble.

"Sir, is there anyway the charges could be dropped? There has to be a reasonable explanation to all of this."

"Our orders have been given, prepare to leave."

I didn't know then. I didn't understand why my Captain had done what he did, or why he didn't seem to care that she had gotten arrested. In fact he did not seem to care about the woman at all. All I could think about was how to keep her out of trouble, but for now I would have to play nice and do as I was told, later I would figure out a way to keep her out of trouble. It was only a charge, how serious could it be?


	5. Rukia's Thoughts II

A/N: Hey guys I'm back again! Please leave a comment cause I have no idea how this story is doing. Though I see that some of you visit to look at it at least. Thanks :)

I guess I should have known that you would have come to see about me, I don't know why I didn't. I never forgot about you. When I found out that you had been promoted I didn't want to come and see you because I thought you had been avoiding me for a reason. Ni-sama is always around and I guess I thought I would see you around more, and I was happy for that, when you became his Lieutenant. You were not around. It made me feel at loss. I was then stationed in the human world. I met Ichigo there, I'm sure you remember. The first time I saw him I thought he was nothing more than a stupid kid, but he has become so much more than that, hasn't he? We have become close friends, and I am trying for something more now. Only because I have never, and will never have you. I will never forget how brave he was, but I will also never forget how you were the one to take me away from him.

"You are going to die" I remember it like it was yesterday. I knew he had no chance of beating you and Ni-sama all at once. I had to leave him there like that. I am only thankful to Kisuke for saving his life, because he has become so much more to all of us.

I didn't speak to you very much once you had taken me in. I was only shocked at how strong you had gotten and how much you had grown. I also felt a missing in my heart. I felt the same stabbing pain that I had felt years ago when we drifted apart. I guess it was seeing you that made these things come back into my heart. I wanted to say something to you, but honestly I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do either. Last time I had gotten out of trouble, and thought that Ni-sama would get me out of it again, only to find that I was going to die in the next few days. My soul shook and I didn't know what to say or do. I thought about all the things that I would never be able to do and all the things I wanted to do. I thought about all the things I wanted to say to you and would never be able to. I wondered if you had heard the news and if you were going to do something. If anyone would. Little did I know that the kid would be the one to save me. I gave him the credit, when you also had a hand in it. I didn't know that you had fought your heart out to save me yourself. You wanted to make sure that it was you that I saw, and in hopes that I would give you my heart again. How foolish of me not to know? Very. You wanted things to not get worse, and they had, but in the end I lived.

I will never forget that I had come to terms with the whole death was about to reach me things. I thought that you would be happy without me and that there would be others, and I just wanted your happiness now I was fine with death, I embraced it. Then…the snake…Captain Ichimaru of the third division, ruined it all. I was saved! And then he snatched it from me for pure fun. I was going to live with you, I would be able to tell you everything, and then…I wasn't.

The thing that I always questioned up until the day that he explained it was, why had Ni-sama not done anything. More than that, I could not understand how you could let death come so early to me. I would have saved you. I loved you. It was then that I mourned for the love that would never be because you would never come to me. Silly of me wasn't it? You were the one that was going to save me, and do it without being load about it. Thank you Renji, I realize this and I love you more for it.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach!


	6. Renji's Thoughts II

A/N: The quote bellow is from the Book Thief which sadly, I do not own either, but with Rukia's last thoughts I figured why not put it in. If you have not read this book you seriously need to get it, because its amazing. Its told in Death's point of view, which was my favorite part about the entire book. He is a pretty awesome thing.

Death: at some point on time I will be standing over you, as genially as possible. Your soul will be in my arms. A color will be perched on my shoulder. I will carry you gently away – Book Thief

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or The Book Thief.

You were right about Ichigo, Rukia. He is different, and though I hate to say it he has become so much more to us. We have also become close friends. Its honestly because of him that I was able to hold you in my arms that day we were all betrayed. None of that really matters because Ichigo had dealt with that issue. I was just thankful that you're life was saved and you were in my arms. I was so scared when Aizen, that rat, had you in his grasp. My heart was racing. I knew you were near death's door that whole time, but I was now looking at it and wanted nothing more with all my heart to shut it. I wanted you to be okay. I didn't care who you saw as the hero anymore, I didn't care if I beat my Captain anymore because none of it mattered if you were gone. I had found my reason to fight again. It was you, just like it had always been.

Since we were kids you had become my reason to fight. Do you remember when we were starving and you would always get the food cause you were the faster than the rest, and quite frankly braver too. There were those times you would get caught and I would come to help you. But it was you who first saved us. Back then you were so tough. It seems like the Soul Society has changed you so much. You're almost timid now of everything. I guess in a good way that's how it should be.

I wonder if I am only in love with who you use to be? No it would have to be you too right? Rukia...I need you around.


	7. Rukia's Thoughts III

A/N: Okay it's been a while. I guess I had to be in the mood. But here is an update.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach.

Of course I am the same person. Well maybe not. Are we ever the same again? Really? So much has happened. Aizen, Ichimaru, and Kaname have left the picture and the soul society is struggling without three of its captains. I'm glad I'm serving in the human world for now. Though I do miss you and Ni-sama. Don't you miss those days where we could just be kids and run care free? There might have been a lack of food but we were our own boss. It was a good time. We had it rough but most people do coming up. Well I thought so until being placed in the Soul Society where I find that people with money matter, and people who don't have it suffer. Until they become higher ranked. Renji you are one of those people. I got where I am because Ni-sama wanted me, not because of my own work and dedication. But you did. You made it by yourself. Don't you see how amazing that is? You're one step away from being a captain. Who knows they might put you in one of the missing places. You would make a good captain. You care, and you're fare.

I'm always thinking I am no good for you, and what I said earlier was one of the reasons. You pushed yourself to where you are now, and I did not. Why would you want to be with someone who stayed as low of a rank as I did? When you have potential for as many women as you want, why me? I should not even ask such a question because there is no me. I do not factor into your life anymore. Maybe on those rare occasions when I see you, but I'm usually with Ichigo. Come to think of it I am no good for him either. But somehow, he wants me by his side. I miss being by yours and you wanting me there.  
I miss you Renji, I want you around.


	8. Renji's Thoughts III

A/N: Another update for today! Who is rocking these updates? Me! Anyways, yes I agree that more people should review. So in order to reward those that do I am going to start calling you out in the beginning.

Dana: Thank you for your review. You should seriously get an account if you don't already have one so I can message you. This story is sad, but thinks are not always as they seem. If you want to read an even better one you should go to my page and read my 2 one shots. Make sure you read them in order. Nnoitra's Regret is the first one, and I'm sorry is the second. They are linked together. I have gotten a good many reviews on the first.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach.

"I'm sorry I have not stopped to talk to you lately Rukia. Things have been running rapid lately. I agree that the Soul Society is in a mess since the three captains left. Either I do not know you, or you do not know yourself at all. You have not gone far in the ranks, its true but you have gone far in many more ways than I have. You are surrounded by friends. I have one. You smile more often than I do, and I personally think that counts more than power and money does. After all you can have all the money in the world and still be alone. Look at your brother. All he has is you."

When will I be able to tell you that I really love you? That was the last time we had spoken in a while. Its truly depressing. We were friends. You were my friend. And now it seems we are at a cross road because we have no time to speak to each other. And what of you and Ichigo? Will I wonder alone? I think not, I know I am not the only person that has feelings for someone that cannot return them. Haven't you seen it? The girl, with the orange hair, she is crazy for the boy you are so close to. I understand her pain, and jealousy. You two are great friends, but I wonder if it will always be that way when she can see how you look at him the way that I do. I am thankful that Ichigo cannot see how you look at him. You take pride in him. And perhaps it is time for me to stop fooling myself into believing that you do not have feelings for him. You use to look at me that way too, and now you don't. I would give almost anything for you to look at me that way. I would give anything but your happiness. I suppose that is why I have help my mouth closed. Its due to your happiness. I have hopes that one day, you will be with someone who can make you happy and love you the way that I want to. I pray about that for you Rukia. I do love you, with all of my heart. I'm not perfect. I'm a street rat, I have a rough mouth, and I'm stubborn and selfish, but I do love you. I don't want to be selfish with you Rukia. I'd be selfish with anything and anyone but you. Out of all my relationships none have worked, and I didn't care. I didn't want them too. But you? I want that, and that's selfish, and that is why I can't simply say "I love you".

What would you say? You would be horrified. I know.


	9. Rukia's Side 2

A/N: Another update today! I'm trying to find something to inspire me to write. I miss writing.

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach.

I am living in some kids closet. This is lame. I really need to think about buying my own apartment, but then there would be no fun in waking up in a room with Ichgio. Ichigo…Have I let him completely take over my heart now? No, because I still think about Renji every single day. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever actually get over him.

A ring startles me out of my thoughts and I find that it's the alarm for the hollow alerts. I jump up and swing the closet doors open. So lame….

"Ichigo!" he jumps up with his sleepy eyes and a shocked face. When he realizes its me he rubs his eyes and says "Rukia you seriously need to find somewhere else to sleep."

I wave my hand in a dismissive manner. Is it because he doesn't want me around? "We'll worry about that later, I just got a pick up on a hollow. We need to go."

So we leave and find nothing. We spent hours trying to find that hollow and there was no trace of it.

"I know it was here, right here in this spot." I said "The alarm was going off."

"Maybe Aizen sent some of them to spy or something? Either way I think that we need to tell the Soul Society and talk to the others here."

I nodded my head in agreement with him. We went to each of his friend's houses after I made a call to my captain. He had told me to make sure that everyone there was alert and that he would notify the head captain. Everyone seemed to be fine until we got to Orihime's house. There we discovered that Raniku was fast asleep, but there was no Orihime.

"Where would she have gone?" Ichigo asked, and I could tell he was worried. Who wouldn't be, the girl was innocent, and kind of clueless.

"I think that the hollow we were looking for is responsible for this." I said to him, and then I walk over and put my foot on Raniku's head "Oi! Wake up!"

"What the hell?" She shouted and pushed my foot away.  
"How is it that a girl goes missing, when you're asleep right there?" Ichigo ask.

"What are you talking about" Raniku ask as she runs her hand through her hair.

"Orihime is not here, and there was a hollow alert earlier. Didn't your alarm go off?" I asked her.

"Oh you mean that thing? I put it on silent. The damn thing is always waking me up."

I was ready to punch her, and I wondered how she ever became a lieutenant?  
Ichigo and I were glaring at her when we heard a window slide open and Captain Toshiro came in.  
"The Captain Commander is waiting to speak with us." He said.  
We entered a room and found the Captain Commander on a screen.

He told us that Orihime had joined sides with Aizen, and that we were not to go after her. She also told the captain and lieutenant to return to the Soul Society. Ichigo begged with him for them to help and the Captain Commander wouldn't budge. I was to return to the Soul Society as well. I had my orders and I felt bad about leaving her, but I knew what I was going to do. I knew the one person who would follow me into hell and come back out, and I was going to go get him.  
Don't worry Ichigo, we'll save her. I thought.


End file.
